Well, can you believe my baby is now 9 1/2 weeks old and I just finally feel ready to sit down and write about my birthing experience? If you had told me that when I was pregnant I would have been pretty shocked. After all, my experience before that point BCB (before child birth) was with adopted children. I knew it would be different, that it was an unknown, but truthfully, was not prepared for the ACB (after child birth).
I think I was so much in a pregnancy euphoria that I did not really prepare myself for what it might be like after it was all over. The end of my pregnancy was wonderful, I kept on waiting for the hard part that everyone told me you go through in the 3rd trimester, and it never came! I was loving it right up until the last day. I was not swollen, had a great amount of energy and was just enjoying that little guy moving inside me and anticipating a wonderful birthing experience (after all, that was something I NEVER thought I would have and I could not wait to go through it!).
First off, lets go through my birthing day, because that was AMAZING and I just have to share with all of you! I began to feel contractions around 5:00pm on the 2nd of December. If you remember, I had been dilated to a 2 and 80% effaced for a few weeks at that point. They were mild and about 10 min. apart, but consistent. We knew it was the beginning of it all, but wanted to go through as much of it as possible at home before we had to go to the hospital. We hung out, watched some TV, I took a shower, and we decided to try to go to sleep for a little while. Around 11pm we called Mike's Mom to come and watch the kids because my contractions were only about 5 min. apart and we figured we better just start the trek (the hospital was about 25 min. from our house).
Now, Mike and I were uber prepared. We had taken 6 weeks of birthing classes, learning the hypnobabies technique (LOVED every minute of those classes, as did Mike!). I had my ear buds in and was listening to my relaxation music on the car ride over. I must say that having contractions in the car, on the bumpy freeway, was not what I expected! I did not even think about that causing extra discomfort. Lets just say I was relieved when we arrived that I would not have to deal with a bumpy road from there on out!
They checked me and I was dilated to a 3 I think at that point and 90% effaced, and my contractions were 2-3 min. apart. They got us all set up in our room and Mike and I were so excited to see what experiences the next few hours would bring us. We went through our hypnobabies routine for the next 10 hours or so (through the night). My midwife came in and checked me at that point and informed us that my labor was not really progressing, my water was still intact, and that they might have to induce me. Needless to say, I was discouraged. I was exhausted (as was Mike! He was my little coach all night long!) and knew that with an induction would come more intense contractions (which were already really hard at this point!). Mike and I decided after much discussion that if I was to be induced, I wanted to first get an epidural. It was a tough choice, but the right one. We were so grateful for all of the education we were given before hand, to make good and informed decisions.
So, I got the epidural, and it was so great! Piece of cake from that moment on! I could feel all of the pressure, could walk and move my legs. At that point my labor then started to progress with no interference, which I was very grateful for. We were SO excited to meet our new little one soon!
My Mom was there at this point (and I am so glad she was! It was great to have her there to cheer me on along with Mike). My midwife came around noon I was ready to go! I began to push. There was some concern because he seemed to be stuck in the birth canal. They said they might have to use the vacuum to get him out. NO WAY! I was not going to have that. I harnessed every last bit of energy within me and was determined to get that baby out! A few more pushes later and he came flyin out! Mike says the midwife had to catch him! They had me push for about 40 min. total.
Now the best part! Uh, is it even possible to describe in words that feeling! The one where the lay that new, wet, chicken lookin baby against your chest. And your husband is looking at you, both of you just full to the brim with adrenaline and excitement! That moment when you look into each others eyes and, suddenly, you have more love for each other that you had only moments ago. A new kind of love, like, we did it! We made this little miracle, he is a piece of each of us. That feeling like this baby was JUST in the presence of our Heavenly Father, and now he is here with us. That all that we just went through bonded us to this new little one forever. That he is now part of our eternal family.
Am I grateful to have had that experience? You bet! I can't even express my gratitude for that gift. It completed me. It completed my family, my wants as a Mother. I KNOW what a blessing it is, even more so because I craved it for so long and did not get it, I had come to accept and be ok with the idea that it would never be something I would experience. And boy am I grateful for all of those years I had to endure that. Because it made it THAT MUCH BETTER! I could not have enjoyed or appreciated it like this if I had given birth when I wanted to. Only through God's plan for my family could I have experienced that much joy in child birth.
I say all of this in hopes that you have all read my deep love and gratitude that I have expressed over the past years, in regards to adopting my children as well. I could not have loved and appreciated the experience of having a young Mother HAND me those new, snugly wrapped, chicken looking little miracles, without knowing the pain of yearning to be a mother, and not having the opportunity to fulfill that on my own.
The biggest thing I learned through having a baby- To LOVE and appreciate even more what those young mothers handed over to me. The strength they had, in carrying, birthing, and giving their little ones over to a life they hoped would be better than what they could have provided. That they sacrificed all that and trusted in ME to take them and love them with all of my heart and give them everything. What an honor to be a Mother to adopted children. What an honor to know these young ladies, these angel Mothers. And what an honor to have given birth myself and have that experience open my eyes in so many ways. How many women get to have both of those worlds? I know I am lucky and I only hope you can see through my actions and words how grateful I am for these blessings of Motherhood.
