My Months MIA... after the child birth

 Ha, that title sounds like show "the bachelor... after the rose" :) And really, that title kind of explains how I felt in the weeks after Eli arrived. The birth day had come and gone, the euphoria of pregnancy and child birth were over, and I was left to deal with a healing body in every way- mentally, physically, emotionally. No one had prepared me, somehow I overlooked that party. With all of the preparation I had done, I had a very skewed view of how it would be when the baby was actually HERE.
Now, lets remember, my experience up to that point had been with adopted children. I was skinny, fit, full of energy, could take on whatever was thrown at me. Don't get me wrong, there are very tough things that go along with adoption, and are very comparable emotionally, but for me this was harder because it was physical. With my personality, being "couch-ridden" for weeks on end was torturous.
Ok, prepare yourself for TMI (too much information). When Eli came out, as I mentioned previously, he was "stuck" for a while. This cause some "after effects" that I wont disgust you with the details of. The kid came out with his right arm and hand up by his face, ouch! Glad we decided on the epidural!
My body took the trauma of child birth pretty hard. I could feel my mind change suddenly. I was SO emotional. SO happy the first few days, and then, like a cloudy film came over my eyes and brain. Those crazy pregnancy hormones must have just left me suddenly and I was left with a brain that was struggling to get back to a normal balance. I was SO sad. I had never experienced anything like it before. I had no interest in ANYTHING. Not my children not the TV, not going outside. The sun even looked different to me. So, I was depressed, and "couch-ridden" for weeks. How did I get through it? Well, that brings me to my night in shining armor- my Husband. He stepped up to the plate would be an understatement. He was there for me and just took over. He said he could see in my eyes that  I was different. He encouraged me when  I would become hopeless, he would constantly tell me, "this will only be for a VERY short time, you can get through it." He got up with the baby EVERY night for the first 3 weeks (I was having insomnia and was exhausted even without having to take care of the baby). And then he would get a few hours of sleep in the morning and take over caring for all three of our children during the day. He was a dynamo. It is so amazing how, when one of you becomes weak, the other just miraculously becomes that much stronger to help keep the balance. I am so grateful for my relationship with my husband. I am so grateful for our partnership in raising our children and in life.
Through that experience we both grew, not only closer to each other, but closer to our Heavenly Father. I COULD NOT have gotten through this without Him (Heavenly Father). I prayed CONSTANTLY. There were times when I prayed and just asked him moment by moment, "What do I do next?" Just asking for guidance on how to get through the day. I would feel little promptings like- get dressed and go in the front yard for a bit. Stuff so small like that, isn't that amazing? Isn't it so wonderful how much He loves us? The last thing that helped me get through this was every time I looked at my new little baby. His shining face made me think to my self, "Isn't he worth it?" and I would think, "of course he is!" I would go through it a thousand more times to have this little guy in my family, as a son.
Well, at about 6 weeks the cloud lifted. It took about a week after that for it to be totally gone. And now I look back and am so grateful for that trial. Why? Because I appreciate my healthy mind in a way I never did before. I appreciate just everyday stuff, being alive, like I never could have without that lowest of low. I appreciate my Saviors sacrifice in the garden of Gethsemane and understand it so much more than before. That he HAD to go through all of the pains we could suffer in the world, so He could be there by our side through anything and say, "I understand what you are feeling." I appreciate my Husband more than I could have without the experience giving him a chance to take care of me and our family in a way I pray he will never have to again. And he did it! Better than I ever could have if the roles were reversed. (He has WAY more patience than me!)
So, I am back. Getting used to 3 kids and feeling like life is normal now. Thank you to all for your prayers. I could feel them ... if that makes sense, and know you all were a big part of helping me get through that as well.